'Life'
That track for me sums up the journey of why I used to feel the way I did. It sort of details a couple of episodes aswell that I struggled with.
So a long story short my mental health basically stems from birth it wasn’t until I was like 15 where it really took effect.
I was born in Salford, Manchester. I’m adopted and I came from a family where my mother was a drug user and my father was in and out of prison. So I was put into the system at a relatively early age. Because they were unable to look after me.
I was adopted at 5. At an age where I could understand it, my family didn’t keep anything from me, they told me everything I needed to know. At the age of 15 I wanted to have contact with my real birth parents. But I was told at that point that my mother had died due to drug complications & at that stage I was told that my father had died in prison. It was abit of a blow because all the questions that I had I wasn’t able to get the answers for. That’s what really started my downward spiral, around sort of 16 up until about 23 years old. I took myself down a path where I was involved in drugs, I was getting arrested all the time. It wasn’t until I started travelling, I went to Greece for a holiday and my friend suggested I work there for a bit. So I did about 4 summers in Greece & I really came out of my shell and thought yes this is a second go at it. Things started taking shape.
I started writing music when I was around 14/15 .The track life is about my experiences I went through.
All my music as cliche as it sounds, shows you have to go through the bad to get the good out of it, and that’s how my music is now
Depression was the first stage for me. At 16/17 I was diagnosed for a form of depression by the doctor. It was the depression that was the initial start up. I don’t think it ever leaves you. I think you learn to manage it. I think we’re all born with it. It’s just certain things that may trigger it more then others. Every bodies going to have stress related issues, every bodies going to feel anxious about certain things. It may not mean you are clinically depressed but everybody has it. It’s just what happens in life that makes it more difficult to handle then others. For me it’s something that’s been with me for so long, it’s never going to go away because I’m still having the same thoughts about certain things that have triggered it. It’s about how you accept it and manage it basically. I no longer take medication. I had really bad nausea from Sertraline. I couldn’t sleep. I decided to take myself off it. I had a lot of restless nights.
One thing Important to remember is that depression is a build up of events. And then it forms into a depressive state. Gradually build it down they way it was built up. For me that was the safest way.
It’s been a long time learning different ways to live with really.
It got really bad for me after my marriage break up. I mentioned before that I was told that my dad died in prison. It turned out my dad didn’t actually die in prison he died from a heart attack outside his front door in 2012 that really affected me when I found out. He was still around, so I could have got atleast 50% of the answers to my questions so it may have made me think differently when I was growing up and maybe I wouldn’t have gone down a destructive path. And at the end of 2018 my marriage was getting quite bad my ex wife said that I needed to go and speak to someone. I went to the doctors and they diagnosed me again. They put me on a waiting list for CBT therapy. I went on a private waiting list for CBT Therapy.
I took an overdose in 2008 which was referenced in the track ‘Life’ and it was purely because of that reason. I then spoke to family and they said look you really need to speak with family and sort this out. And the professional helped me to recognise the triggers and helped me to take my mind off stuff.
Councillors taught me a lot. I also read a lot. Educated myself with it.
I can recommend Jason Foxes book ‘Battle Scars’
With any form of mental health it’s about putting things in place that take your mind off the situation that you’re dwelling on or thinking about. For me it as simple things like walks along the beach. Not only that things like recognising 20 things that start with the same colour or with a specific letter things like that or how many of these you can spot. Simple things that can take your mind off the situation.
I’ve learnt to manage it by accepting it. And understanding it. My route cause was abandonment. My mother used to leave me in the care of young children and go out partying with no money for food. I have a letter here written from a social worker at the time who came to collect me had written that I was walking around with no clothes on and the children who were looking after me were aged 13-15.
It’s amazing to think that from a young age that has stuck with me throughout my whole life.
The gym is a very good way to control and curb your mental state. I would honestly urge anyone if they can to find refuge in anything at all physical. For me it’s a strong remedy.
I’m not a religious person but I do pray a lot. I found myself being very grateful and very blessed that I’m still here and I’m able to manage the situation. It makes me think that if there is a god there then maybe you are helping me. I believe in the law of attraction. I think that if you believe your due positivity then it will come to you.
Music is 100% an outlet for me.
I felt like I had a message not only to just share but perhaps to help others through similar experiences that I’ve been through. Every song that I write afterwards I feel lighter because I feel there’s a weight lifted off my chest. In my music there’s a few songs where I talk in 3rd person I do that because I don’t want all my music just to be about- look at all the worries I’m dealing with. These are real issues that not just myself will go through that other people may experience.
I want people to know through my music that they are not on their own.
My music is available to listen to on all online platforms, Spotify, ITunes, YouTube. I have a new song coming out at the end of November called ‘Mad’
I just want to reiterate again, don’t be afraid to speak up about it. It relieves so much pressure. It’s the biggest step and the most beneficial step to take. Embrace the first step and just go with it. You can always reach out to me I’m just a message away.
I would advise some one who is seeking help with depression to not to be afraid to take The first step. It does get easier. Also don’t expect it to be fixed straight away it does take time.
FOLLOW J_Simmons on Instagram: j_simmons_music
LISTEN TO THE FULL PODCAST ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6UdKVaFTTUCRFrI9o7Z7R5?si=BphRspYSToSlSXThKpNruw
If you feel that you are experiencing any of what J- Simmons has spoken about please seek help from your nearest GP. There are also other sources which provide help and advice for example:
Samaritans 116123
NHS 111
Mind 0300 123 3011
Rethink 0300 5000 927
Support Line 01708 765200
Also if you feel that you have an experience with regards to mental health that you believe others could relate to then please get in touch.
If you feel that you are experiencing any of what J Simmons has spoken about please seek help from your nearest GP. There are also other sources which provide help and advice for example:
Samaritans 116123
NHS 111
Mind 0300 123 3011
Rethink 0300 5000 927
Support Line 01708 765200
Also if you feel that you have an experience with regards to mental health that you believe others could relate to then please get in touch.
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