Disassociation
What is disassociation?
When you feel disconnected from yourself and from the world.
I have felt like this on numerous occasions. They say that it can be triggered by trauma and I think that this could be the cause of my disassociation, because I experienced homelessness after going through a first episode of psychosis. Now I go through times of finding it difficult to connect to the world. On some days I’ll have a break through and feel normal which I appreciate tenfold. But other days I feel a void and it’s very unnerving. I can’t focus on anything for example reading, watching TV and I constantly feel isolated from everyone, as though there is an imaginary force field between us.
How I have learnt to live with my disassociation?
I acknowledge the times when I am out of my head. Moments when life takes over and I’m distracted from my thoughts, moments like these give me hope, that someday it can and will get better.
I remind myself that I am only on this world once (in this life anyway) touch, sight, smell, taste, sound its all apart of life and when I acknowledge each sense It brings me back to the present moment. This is reality. That’s why I have so many candles around and love to shower with aromatic shower gels.
I also focus on something that is still like a signpost amongst traffic. This grounds me and helps bring me into the present moment.
Talking also helps. My family are very supportive and when I explain how I’m feeling it helps to take the feeling out of my head- they say a problem shared is a problem halved and it’s true it helps. There are also support lines to contact such as the Samaritans and Mind where they have volunteers to discuss issues relating to mental health.
I take deep breathes. Taking deep breathes also grounds me, brings me into the present moment, reminding myself this is reality.
I distract myself. Going to concerts, socialising, partying, driving as a way to keep my mind preoccupied.
I do more of things that my heart feels for example when I give my puppy a treat and he runs away with it, this moment makes my heart melt, I acknowledge that this is life, it takes me out of my head
Breaking things down to process them better by writing lists, this also helps me with my mental health and disassociation. I can tick each task I’ve completed and it makes me feel as though I have accomplished something.
Doing techniques like these daily helps me to stay grounded and to live in the moment. I’m not saying they are a complete solution but they do offer some solace. I find it tough explaining about disassociation to some people because it’s as though they just don’t understand and perhaps they don’t. Which is the same for a lot of mental health issues… but it is real. And it can cause a lot of discomfort… but for anyone who is reading this and going thorough something similar you are not on your own in your thoughts there are millions of people around the world going through the same.
And I said it before In this post and I will say it again,
Hold onto hope because one day things might get better but you don’t know until you live it out- stay focused on the positive, try some or all of the techniques I’ve mentioned if you haven’t done so already and know you are not alone.
Mind Charity- 0208 215 2243
Samaritans- 116 123
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