You've got mail- Private Letter from a Pen Friend - Borderline Personality disorder

What is borderline personality disorder?

For me borderline disorder is the fear of abandonment from the people you care about. You could be in the most stable relationship and still fear they’re going to leave you. You have extremely mood swings you feel everything hard. You feel happy angry upset paranoid all at the same time.

Are there varying degrees of borderline personality disorder?

Yes. You can have different stages. Some people feel everything like if they were to be touched it’ll hurt them whilst other are quite and withdrawn from society and want to be the centre of attention.

What is a BPD favourite person?

A favourite person is someone you go to for everything, you latch on to, mine is my husband soon to be ex but he’s also my best friend. He knows everything about me and whilst he does find it hard to cope when I have my bad days he always tries to help.

Do BPD suffers struggle with sleep?

Yes. Sleep is non existent your brain never shuts down. I personally get 4hrs that includes naps during the days.

Did you have any early signs?

- I had depression at a younger age and was sexually abused by a family member, i started to self harm and shut myself away but it wasn’t until I had my first son that things started to get worse I felt like I was on my own losing control of my emotions that I realised that it was more then depression it had transferred to something more intense.

When we’re you diagnosed?

I was diagnosed just after my third son was born in 2017. It was a day I’d never forget, being told by the psychiatrist that I had BPD or emotionally unstable disorder as it use to be called was a relief that someone had actually listened to me and I was put on medication that very day.

How had it impacted your life?

Honestly BPD has destroyed happy moments in my life. I’ve lost my three beautiful boys because I’m not mentally stable enough to look after them and it effected my marriage and has definitely ruined friendships, I cling onto people and that scares people away.

Do you take medication - Venlafaxine 225mg Aripiprazole 10mg (antipsychotic) Melatonin 4mg

What are your thoughts on the medication?

Last Christmas I ran out of my meds and I totally switched back to my old ways. I became violent and lashed out, that’s how I knew my medication is saving my life.

Have I ever been sectioned? - No.

How have you learnt to live with BPD?

I’ve had to adapt. Everyday is hard everyday is a struggle but I knows it’s not my fault and I need to remember that’s it’s a disorder and not something to be ashamed about.

What are peoples misconceptions of borderline personality disorder?

People believe you have multiple personalities and that your crazy. They avoid talking to you.

What advice would you give someone seeking support for BPD?

Support groups. They are absolutely amazing. Talk to friends talk to family. Remember you’re not alone.

Xx